nlightened.me

“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“So what do you want your son to be when he grows up?”. It sounded like an innocuous question but I struggled to articulate the answer when I was asked this by a friend. While the friend left my presence, the question persisted in my mind. The instinctive reaction was the rational response “Something in the world of technology maybe, but the job he would eventually be doing is not even invented yet. So how am I supposed to know”. Then I tried to reason further “It’s too early to think about this – he’s not even 9”. A drop of doubt followed “Or maybe this is the right time”. And then more “Perhaps I’ve been consumed by my own pursuits to think about him. While I don’t want my will to influence his wish, don’t I have the responsibility to shape his experiences in some direction. Who decides the Direction – Destiny or Dad (a responsible short hand for parents)? Have I ignored something that needs attention? Or am I over thinking this?”. Stop.

When such cycles of looping thoughts take over, the technique that works best for me is to Stop, Separate and Scrutinise the situation. So I started by forcefully stopping the chain of thoughts (as an aside, spot jumping helps to distract the mind abruptly helping you break the cycle. Spot jumping has many other health benefits too). I then separated myself from the situation by imagining the same topic but as an observer. So I rephrased the question to “How would my parents (who are gold standard for me on this topic) have thought about this? What would they have wished I was when I grew up?”. And then I scrutinised the thoughts as an interested but uninvolved observer. What came up were fours strands of thought stimulated by one key hope – “What enduring gift can I give my son? What do I hope he becomes as he grows up?” I bottled the four thoughts for symbolism and simplicity as H.O.P.E. that I am sharing below.

Healthy
I am a big believer in health being the bed rock of our myriad pursuits. This is why it forms a key pillar of my life. Poor health negates the highest ambitions. Thomas Carlyle expressed this thought eloquently “He who has health, has hope; and he who has hope, has everything.” So I really hope he stays healthy all his life. If there was only one thing I was allowed to wish for, it would be “Stay Healthy”. I don’t want to define health in a particular manner. There are many aspects to health like being free from ailments, active, strong, having normal body functions and habits that preserve the body to work as it was meant to.

Optimistic
Optimism is about constantly seeing the positive amidst adversity. It is about getting up quickly as soon as we fall. Because the reality is whenever we attempt or learn anything that’s worthwhile, we are bound to fail and fall. Some people keep moping about why they fell while others dust themselves up and get going. I hope he is the latter. I learnt this relatively late in life. Having done fairly well at school & college, I had rarely tasted any major failure. So at work I had to face fear of failure on a new challenging project. I failed miserably. Not once but multiple times. And that was the best thing that could happen, although it never felt so at that moment. I remember introspecting how no amount of externalising or ignoring the outcome was going to change the result. Instead I needed to change my approach and come out stronger from the failure. That led me to utilise a seeming failure as success by learning from it. That was a pivotal moment in my life. I did not become indifferent to failure, I started using failure to make a difference to me. Since then I look forward to opportunities that emerge as I fail. Overcoming fear of failure is one aspect of optimism. Constant hope and sleeping with enthusiasm for an even better tomorrow is the other. Expressing appreciation everyday helps in my experience which is why I express gratitude as an integral part of my morning routine. I hope he sleeps every night looking forward to each day without any kinds of “blues”.

Purposeful
By purposeful I don’t mean lofty change-the-world kinds of goal, although they are great if you have one. Simplistically, being purposeful is a combination of having passion with direction. It is about being intentional passionately about whatever you do – big or small, once-in-a-lifetime or mundane. This doesn’t need to be life’s purpose, it just needs to be something that you find is worthwhile. Something that you enjoy doing, learning or spending time on. It could be your hobby, art, work or family. And how great would it be if its all of that. Time is finite and I hope he purposefully enjoys whatever he spends his time on.

Energetic
The E of the H.O.P.E. stands for being Energetic – a state of enthusiastic love for life. While purpose might be directed outwards, energy is directed inwards. This is the moment when someone walks into a room and we say he or she charged up the entire room. Or when we spend a few minutes with someone and come out smiling. It does not refer to articulation, oration, sense of dressing or looks. It refers to a sense of enthusiastic confidence, the feeling that I can love and enjoy every moment of this wonderful life. People who have energy exude energy. I hope he savours and exudes energy each day.

Reflecting on these points, I am left with a sense of satisfaction because these seem like enduring gifts to possess and pass. And I am left with a sense of Hope because there is so much more to look forward to. What is your Hope for your child or loved one?